I Had To
by amishgirl281
Summary: There was never going to be another way. He had to do it, he had to kill him. This is the story of what was going on with Severus the night he had to kill Dumbledore.


_**I wrote this one right after I read the 6th book, it's still one of my favorites. Please Read and Review :)**_

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><p>I had to, it's not as though I had a choice. The moment Flitwick came bursting into my room's I knew what I had to do. I rushed though the hall's, secretly enjoying the fact that neither Death Eaters nor Order Members would attack me, and ran to the place I knew <em>they<em> would be.

I could hear the voices of the other Death Eaters pushing Draco to do what I knew he could not do. Albus and I had discussed this situation before, for we knew it would come eventually. I condemned him to death the moment I swore to the unbreakable vow. He wouldn't listen to reason; he just wouldn't allow me to sacrifice myself for him.

"The Order needs your information and your skills more than they need me. I have prepared Harry for the task ahead. You will kill me when Draco cannot, you will not sacrifice yourself for an old man's sake."

That was it. That's all he could say for himself. It was no use arguing anymore. Albus had made his decision and there was no fighting the stubborn old man.

It was hard to keep a worried expression from my face as I surveyed the scene before me. The disgusting werewolf was staring at Dumbledore, an insane fire in his eyes, as though he wanted nothing more than to rip out his throat. Draco looked pale and his wand was shaking in his hand, he wouldn't be able to kill a cricket. Four other Death Eaters were staring at Dumbledore also, disgust apparent in their faces. Then Dumbledore was there, slumped against the wall, his true age shining through every fiber of his body. There were brooms beside him, two of them, but only one of him. Odd.

One of the Death Eater's tried to get my attention, "We've got a problem, Snape, the boy doesn't seem able—"

But he was cut off. Dumbledore was speaking, he was speaking to me, "Severus.."

Our eyes locked, and he entered my mind. He brought up memories of all those time's we argued about what was to be done, what I had to do. I saw Dumbledore's memories, recent ones. Harry was hidden and petrified behind the door. That's what the other broom was for. He knew it wouldn't take long for the other Death Eaters to figure out that Dumbledore didn't arrive alone, and that the one boy their Lord would be most eager to have captured, was mere inches away, petrified. I could feel the vow pulling on me to do what I knew Draco could not. What I had foolishly sworn to do so many months ago.

"Severus…Please…"

I allowed my face to show my emotions, not able to school my face into a passive expression. The hatred and self disgust I felt towards myself poured forth and I imagined myself on the other end of the curse, instead of the only man that had ever truly trusted me. I didn't allow myself to falter as I raised my wand, "_Avada Kedavra!"_

I saw his body fly over the battlements and out of sight. I wanted to scream and hex all of those around me, but I couldn't. I had to get them out of there before Potter was found. "Out of here, quickly!"

I grabbed Draco by the scruff of the neck and forced him through the door. I ran behind the others, it would be too suspicious for me to be running with them. I knew it would be hard enough getting the Order's trust after this, and I prayed that the old man had thought to leave something behind to prove my worth. No doubt Potter would be following me, we had to get away quickly.

We made it onto the grounds and began to race for the edge where we would be allowed to apparate. A red jet of light soared past my head. I yelled for Draco to run. He had to get out of there as quickly as possible. I turned around.

It was Potter. He tried to throw Cruico at me, but I parried it effortlessly. He yelled it again, though this time aiming for a Death Eater near Hagrid's hut. I blocked that spell too. His curse wouldn't work well, and the Death Eater would be up in a moment's notice, ready to do battle. Potter didn't need to do battle with a Death Eater, at least not one who would bring him back to the Dark Lord.

"No Unforgivable Curses from you, Potter!" I yelled, "You haven't got the nerve or the ability-"

I had to keep his focus on me. I heard him yell another spell, and with a lazy flick of my wand, it was deflected. I could hear Potter screaming, "Fight back! Fight back you cowardly-"

My nerves were frayed and my tolerance low, so I lashed out, "Coward, did you call me, Potter? Your father would never attack me unless it was four on one, what would you call him I wonder?"

He shot another curse at me which I blocked. He would not be able to last long if he didn't learn to not say his spells, so I did the only thing I could. I gave him advice, in the most condescending way I could think of, "Blocked again and again and again until you learn to keep your mouth shut and your mind closed, Potter!"

I yelled at the other Death Eaters to hurry up. They could easily win this fight, but they had to get out of there before they got to Potter. He attempted another hex, but for naught. He was caught from behind with a Crucio. "No! Have you forgotten our orders? Potter belongs to the Dark Lord – we are to leave him! Go! Go!"

Thankfully they didn't not realize that while they could not harm the boy too terribly, they could still bring him back to the Dark Lord. I waited for the other's to leave, and turned back to Potter just in time to see him attempt to use my own hex against me. Something in my brain snapped as I deflected the curse.

"No, Potter!"

I hexed him once more and sent him soaring backwards. "You dare use my own spells against me, Potter? It was I who invented them – I, the Half Blood Prince! And you'd turn my inventions on me, like your filthy father, would you? I don't think so!"

I saw him dive for his wand and I hexed him again, "No!"

"Kill me then, Kill me like you killed them, you coward"

"DON'T CALL ME COWARD!" I shouted. I aimed a curse at him but then something flew at me. That damned hippogriff! However I took my chance and ran for the gate's to dissapparate. The Dark Lord would be expecting me. I had to clear my head of all thoughts, just in case he tried to perform Legimency on me, I had to be prepared. Clearing my mind and burying my grief, I disapparated.


End file.
